Trials

This has been a roller coaster these last few weeks. I started to date someone amazing, but he left because he does not want to get in the way of my mission, which only makes me like him more. I know that is a short summary but I've learned so much from this short summary than I expected. I've learned that the Lord loves and guides us even when times are good. I feel awful that when times are good that I don't thank the Lord enough. But I know that even when I do these things the Lord will not let me fall when times are hard. Well after my ordeal I was hurt and felt broken. I've always admired the strength and humility of Job. Here was a man who literally had everything taken away from him, yet he still praised God and continued forward. I've always wanted to be like him. The Lord has blessed me with such a trial. I know that I didn't loose everything like Job, but I lost an opportunity that I badly desired. I have to be honest an say that I did question the Lord a little bit but almost as soon as things happened. I decided to be happy anyway. Elder Worthin's last conference talk had a perfect quote. "Come what may and Love it." I came to realize that the Lord never leads you astray. I also came to know that the Lord will never take away something Good from you and replace it with something bad... NO! On the contrary, he takes something good from you and while it is difficult for you, he will always in the end repay your loyalty to his commandments with something better! Though I may not understand what is going on, I'm not going to shrink down into a black hole and cry. No!, I'm going to stand tall I'm going to Smile against all the odds, and I'm going to walk forward putting my faith in that I know to be strong.. the Lord. Life is hard, it wouldn't be living if it wasn't.. I've come to realize that even though I may not be as good as Job, I am made from the same material he was and thus have the potential to become like him. This time I messed up and conplained a little bit, but next time I'll be better. I was also talking to a friend of mine who told me that Crying is not a weakness of faith in the Lord. The Lord understands that things are, and can be quite difficult. But our attitudes define what kind of deciple we are. I love my Lord and Savior for giving me such a trial, and for trusting so much in me to overcome it. My goal is to never disappoint them. Yes, for the First time my heart got broken, and I don't think that it will be the last, but I will not let it brake me! I am a Daughter of God! He loves and guides me. I will never be in a place where God can't reach me. He comforts and lifts me to make me better. I love what Joseph says in the 'Joseph Smith Movie' when he was about to play the broomstick game with another gentleman. The Gentleman tells Joseph that he has never been beaten, and that he appologizes before hand for throwing him. Joseph responds by saying, "Sometimes the Lord brings us down low, before he lifts us higher." How grateful I am to know that I am growing from this, and I can already see it! I feel such at peace with the Lord at my side.
A week ago this Gentleman that I was dating sincerely wanted to know how I was doing.. (Yeah I know can he get any more charming..) He felt horrible for crushing me, and I didn't want to do the same.. But I sincerely told him. I was able to say all the things that I felt I wanted. I told him all the things I felt like I regreted not saying to him in the first place. He was very kind to me. Yet I knew things wouldn't change. At first I felt Crushed all over again. It was hard. But I'm so grateful for that opportunity because it allowed me to see the hand of the Lord in my life. He allowed me to try everything in my power to fight. The next day I got out of bed and read what I had written on my white board so many months before. (I had no idea why I felt impressed to write this scripture down on my whiteboard but I now know that the Lord was preparing me for something. He was looking out for my future, when I would need this scripture.) On my Whiteboard was this Scripture from Joseph Smith:

D&C 123:17 Therefore, dearly beloved brethren, let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power; and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed.

I was able to realize that I had done everything in my power, and now what was happening was what the Lord wanted. I'm doing so much better now. I am so grateful that my little worries and fears are never overlooked by the Lord. If it's important to me I know it will be important to the Lord. How can I ever be sad when I know that the Lord is always there to help carry my burdens.. I will therefore, wake up, put a smile on, and start my day first with the Lord and go about life doing the Lords bidding. I am so much more excited about my mission. I love the Lord my God, and will always do my best to serve him. Whereever, Whenever I go FOR EVER!